Changing the things you cannot accept

SundaeYesterday, with one quick swoop I disrupted all of my daughters careful planning!  While enjoying a sundae from Amy’s Ice Cream, the mood quickly changed from fun to disappointment as I unknowingly gobbled down the last strawberry my daughter meticulously planned to save for her last bite.  There was a look of pure disappointment that quickly followed as she had to face the reality that all of her planning was out the window.  The choice as to what to do next is one often faced when life hands us a heaping helping of “Denied”. We all will face a fork between getting mad, sad, or making a move so the next steps are important ones.

Many resort to getting mad.  Accident or not the fact was she had plans for the strawberry that I disrupted.  In live we can often forget that even the strongest plan we can design for ourselves can be unknowingly sabotaged if we don’t communicate it.  When people do take away our shine it is easy to let the anger set in that we wanted and planned for something that we won’t get because of someone else.  This anger, however, does not get us back to where we want to be.  Anger can be contagious and learning how to quickly get some perspective and let things go leaves those choosing this path steaming in their own juices.

Similarly others get caught up in their feelings and get sad.  As soon as I saw my daughter’s face when she went to dig her soon into her carefully plotted agenda I felt bad and then of course sad.  Sadness is an emotion that will come and go in life and usually it is connected to looking back on the past.  The problem with being sad, especially when looking back, is you lose the ability to see what is good all around.  Instead of enjoying the company or sweet treat or freedom for school she could have just dwelled on the fact that this savored strawberry was now gone.  Being sad on the past usually results in bringing that sadness into your present indefinitely.

After quickly gulping down the evidence and making my apologies I encouraged my daughter to move to the final option at the point: figuring out a way to rectify the disappointment.  When anger or sad you often lose the ability to look for ways to solve the problem.  When you can quickly bypass the emotions of being sad or mad you can move to a point of clarity to ask the question “how do I get what I want?”.  By letting those feelings fuel action we don’t just try to sweep how we feel under the carpet but find productive ways to deal with that energy.  There are things you have to accept in life and things you have the power to change.  By not always assuming you have to take the first choice you take a very powerful step in attaining the things you want out of life.  I know many people who would have taken that situation, finished their bite of sundae, stated everything was fine, and pout, pity, or fume their way down the line.  Instead I suggested just going to the front, explaining what happened, and asking for a couple of strawberries to replace what was lost.  In the end it turned out to be not that big of a deal, my daughter got even more than she had before in the strawberry department and she learned an important lesson.  Sometimes by moving out of your feelings and taking action, disappointments can become wins!

 

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